Have enough control to let go of control

If you’ve read any of my other blogs, you will know last year was a testing year for our business and also personally. A lot happened and in a short period of time where we had no time to think, just act and find solutions. We felt out of control and that things were falling apart around us but we just had to trust that there was something better on the other side. Before we knew it Covid hit and it gave us a chance to reset, refocus and figure out what direction we wanted to take for the future.

I remember having a conversation with a client not long after this all happened and I gave her the advice to ‘just surrender.’ Little did I realise, I was also speaking to myself. Ever since I can remember i’ve wanted to be in control. Control to me is having everything in order, things done my way and things running to plan. I even got to the point, without actually realising and only upon reflection, having the need to control other people and how they act. I expected a certain level of performance weather it be in my professional life or personal that it got to the point where I pushed people away. I realise now that it all came through from my own insecurities, unsolved wounds and my own expectations of myself.

My expectations on others and myself were so extreme that I was expecting people to ‘be perfect.’ Perfection doesn’t exist, I knew this, but I still unconsciously continued to strive for it. I’ve always been so hard on myself and got upset when I didn’t follow through with something I said I would do. It would get to the point that I would feel guilty if I felt like I’d upset someone. It made me sit back and assess my life and my habits. It wasn’t until Covid that I spent a lot of time with a friend who I saw a lot of myself in. We had many similarities in our personalities that were discovered through conversations we would have about ourselves and our habits. Through spending so much time together, they pointed out habits of mine. They also pointed out great things within myself that I hadn’t realized were there and even insecurities of my own that I knew existed but couldn’t completely comprehend. The break was a blessing in disguise. I felt in those 2 months I was actually doing all of the things I’d always wanted to pursue but had never ‘had the time’ for. I finally got the opportunity to relax and use my time the way I wanted to and had zero expectations of time frames to get things done.

I think sometimes we focus on being ‘busy’ and never take time to be still and delve within to learn more about ourselves on a deeper level. Although I say this, timing is everything. Everyone is on a completely different journey and are at different stages of their life. I feel three years ago if that time were given to me, I would have had a different experience and outlook.

So as the craziness of Covid started to subside, I promised myself I wouldn’t be so ‘busy’ all the time and actually take some time for myself by doing the things I loved. That I wouldn’t be so hard on myself to get things done as I proved to myself through that period that I could get so much done if I just didn’t expect things of myself. My outlook on life changed which then changed my energy and how I showed up.

About three weeks ago, a vote went out by the Advertiser searching for the best hair stylist in SA. They narrowed it down to top 25, top 10 and finally the top spot. I remember thinking to myself, just surrender and what is meant to be will be. It was one of the first times I wasn’t attached to having to ‘win’ or be the best. I’m usually extremely competitive and for the first time I was ok with not even placing. A week had passed and the final votes had been tallied and I was voted the best hairdresser in SA! I was overwhelmed with the love and support I got throughout it all from my family, friends and my clients. The crazy thing about it was, I was happy I’d won, but it hadn’t felt the way I imagined it to feel. Sometimes we hope and wish for things, but when we receive them, it’s not as fulfilling as we would have thought. If anything, I was happier that our salon received the exposure it deserved and people started to become aware of Bode’s mission and vision and its Eco friendly sustainable vibe.

After that week I felt like my life had taken a complete turn for the best. It almost gave me a new zest for life. The abundance of my life grew and every day since then I practice gratitude for my life and opportunities that I’ve been given. When you look back and reflect on your journey you realise that every sequence, every good and bad thing that has ever happened, was all for you to become the person you are today. I look back thinking, that makes so much sense now. Situations are never bad, they only come with lessons and opportunities to reflect and grow.

My point is, never worry or hold onto to what you ‘need’ to do in the future or even in the now. The universe has a plan for you already, it’s just teaching you and helping you grow. Part of the journey is surrendering yourself to the greater good. Enjoy the experiences in your life, don’t ever take anything or anyone for granted and take the good and bad, for they will be the lessons that will deliver you to your today. Let go of control and see the magic that unfolds.

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